Holiday Rant

Trees, wreaths, lights and Merry Christmas this, Merry Christmas that. What about other religious celebrations? When I was young, I cared. Then I grew up (kinda') and lost interest. Next thing I know, it’s Happy Holidays PC BS.

In an effort to try to relate this to food, here's a restaurant tale that isn’t in my book. Bonus material! The Texas Café had decorated for the holidays. A tiny menorah sat on the bar virtually buried by Christmas lights, wreaths and a gigantic Christmas tree. 

A diner felt uncomfortable by the menorah and complained to Aaron, the bartender. The religious symbol bothered him and his son, who was like six years old and in the Hitler Youth.  

This diner wanted the menorah taken down because of its religious implications. Aaron pointed to the giant Christmas tree and said, “And what do you think that is?” “A tree,” the diner said. “What kind of tree?” “A Christmas tree.” “And,” Aaron asked, “What is the first part of that word? Christ, right? It’s a religious symbol, too. So sit the fuck down!” (I added that last line.) The customer grumbled, "No, it's a Holiday Tree." 

I don’t care that Chanukah receives some airtime. But it's lumped into Happy Holidays ads. I know it's cheaper for companies to run one ad throughout December rather than three separate ads for Christmas, Chanukah and Kwanzaa.

Still, a couple things bother me about the Happy Holiday ads:

1.     The timing. The ads come out right after Chanukah ends and run through Christmas— ignoring the timing of Chanukah and Kwanzaa. Run them all month for everyone or just run Christmas ads.

2.     The ads showcase Christmas lights, wreaths, candy canes, and Christmas trees —all Christmas symbols.  Then Santa walks in, “Ho! Ho! Ho! Happy Holidays!” We know what you’re dyin’ to say, so just say it: “Merry Christmas.”

  

The point is you can’t say "Happy Holidays" when your ad imagery focuses entirely on Christmas. This kills off the inclusion message. You don't have to put a Jewish guy dancing around with a menorah in your ads or an African in a dashiki. Just … say what the hell you mean to say. 

A kid making a snow angel in a yard with reindeer and a wreath on the front door and a snowman with a Santa hat does not say "Happy Holidays” no matter how many times your narrator speaks those two words.  

Chanukah was early this year. To be honest with you, I didn’t even know it started until Ellen DeGeneres said so (Yeah, I watch her show. What about it?). If you don’t know when another person's holiday is, you cannot, a day before Christmas, say Happy Holidays. If Christmas is tomorrow, just say Merry Christmas. 

Anything You Can Do ...

Hey, been to that cupcake place that opened down the street? You know, the one that landed a reality TV show? Georgetown Cupcake—the originators of the niche cupcakery. Well, there’s a new cupcakery in town. Baked & Wired.  B&W, are you ready for this? You have competition by the name of Something Sweet. Oh, and Something Sweet? You think your cupcakes are the shit? Well, you’re wrong. Frosting’s—A Cupcakery’s are better.

What we’re experiencing here is called Copycatism*. It’s a lot like Hulkamania in the sense that it is running wild. Is this rampant copycatism a new trend? Sure, there are—and always will be—copycats. Burger King copied McDonald’s. And then there was Wendy’s, Checkers and others. But the start dates of these respective companies are so far apart from their rivals that it doesn’t count.

But recently, niche restaurants are opening at such rapid speed that they can’t even be considered rivals. They’re more like … blatant copies. Oh, you got a TV show from selling cupcakes? I want a TV show, too! Quick, lets open a cupcakery!

These guys are trying to capitalize on some other dude's success. That’s cheap, unoriginal and, frankly, pathetic. If you've got the money to start a business, do something unique. Variety is the spice of … something, something.

These poor folks aren’t creating a variation on the cupcake or offering a different portable, handheld dessert (such as apple strudel, donuts, or some sort of bizarre donut cupcake hybrid. And P.S.—you steal my idea, I will end you).

Why poor, you ask? Because soon, the craze will end and so too, their dreams of cupcake reality TV.  Sure—initially, the public will go crazy at the prospect of another choice. Friends will have fun collecting cupcake data and researching the ultimate cupcake. Two friends canvassing the country in sight of the best cupcake might be another reality show.

When the craze does end, the originator will be the one that stands tall, having built a reputation through quality and longevity. The copycat will just board up shop and wonder, perhaps, if things could have been different if he opened a taco stand instead.

Of course, if he opened a taco stand, there would be have been a thousand copycats all running around claiming the better taco.

Let’s take a quick look at originators (less corporate, more small time, and local) and their copycats to see how truly rampant (and shamefully embarrassing) this trend is:

Burgers Originators: Five Guys (East Coast), In-n-Out (West Coast)

Burger Copycats: BRGR, BGR, BLT Burger, Burger Palace, Z-Burger

Frozen Yogurt Originators:  Tasti-d-Lite, Pinkberry

Frozen Yogurt Copycats: Red Mango, kiwiberry, BerryLine, BerriGood, Tangysweet, IceBerry, YogiBerry, Mr. Yogato

Smoothie Originators: Jamba Juice

Smoothie Copycats: Smoothie King, Roebeks, Planet Smoothie, Tropical Smoothie

And don’t get me started on Food Trucks (or blogs, for that matter: Start with the word angry, cranky, grumpy, annoyed, or pissed off, add a vocation of choice (waiter, bartender, brain surgeon) and you'll find a hundreds of blogs out there—one just like the other). This copycatism is a lot like the barbed wire armband tattoo. When the first barbed wire band was tattooed, the guy was proud of his badass and original tattoo. Then everyone got one; novelty gone.

Restaurants are supposed to be unique and different. There aren’t supposed to be ten thousand of the same. Makes you nervous about the possibility of opening a unique restaurant these days for fear that someone will take your idea, change the name and sell what you sell for the exact same price.

Just because you can bake a cupcake, grill a burger, or blend fruit doesn’t mean you can do it better than the other guy. And no, you won’t end up on TV.

*Yeah, I know. Copycatism isn't a real word.